My junk folder fills up with new, different and imaginative forms of Spam every. Phishers take to current technologies - Skype, for example, or the latest superhipcool networking site - in the blink of an electronic eye. Trolls still troll their tiresome way on message boards and listserves across teh Intertubes. So it is sometimes difficult to remember that jerkitude is not, in fact, confined to the digital world.

Let's call it Analog Spamming: tricks to separate you from your money, no computer needed. If these folks had skipped just one less programming classes in school, they'd be online and a Nigerian Finance Minister at this very moment.

1) Disturbing The Natural Order (aka The Gas Station Switcheroo) Here in the States, everyone knows that the order of Gas Quality on Gas Pump goes (left to right): Cheapest; Mid-Range; Premium. Right? It's part of the natural order of things. Like Salt and Vinegar crisps being in blue packets, and Cheese and Onion being green.

Oh. Wait.

Anyhoo, the other day, I was at the gas station at Rimrock Road (a "Stop and Rob," I believe), pumping away on the far-left nozzle, when I noticed they had switched the order of the gas. NOW, it went: Mid-Range; Cheapest; Premium. Yes, I was filling my tank for $.10 a gallon more, because some pointdexter decided to pull a switcheroo on the gas positions.

I was angry at myself at first for not even checking, but for goodness sakes, why should I have to? Lambs don't lie down with lions, the cowboys and the farmers CAN'T be friends, and gas does NOT go Mid-Cheapest-Premium. There is no order or symmetry to a Mid-Cheapest-Premium distribution. If there was even some artistic or scientific beauty behind it, I might forgive it, but no. Hell, it's not even ALPHABETICAL. It's a ticky-tacky trick to get folks who are used to the Proper Order of Things to drop ever so slightly more cash on their gas.

Analog Spamming.

2) Two For The Price Of, Well, Two The Copps grocery store on Fish Hatchery road lists several of their items as "2 for $3," without listing how much an individual item would be. This seems like a small thing, but the trick is to get people thinking they're saving by buying in bulk. "Let's pick up TWO bags or carrots because they're only $3." "How much is one bag of carrots?" "I'm not sure. But THINK OF WHAT WE'RE SAVING!"

Only needing one bag of carrots, and curious as to the price of a single item, I threw one in the shopping cart. My gut feeling was that it would be $1.50, which would have been sneaky enough.

But...WAIT for it...

When I checked the receipt, the single bag of carrots was $1.49!

Penny-ante, yes. And that penny is probably unintentional. But for trying to get people to buy two of something, it's Analog Spamming, nevertheless.

I think the thing that gets me about these kinds of tricks that they're such nickel-and-dime, tupenny-ha'penny affairs. Where's the initiative" say I. Where's the PRIDE in your work? Dream big! SPAM big!

I'm sure you could sell carrots for "Three for $4.50" if you really put your mind to it...

I just got a message on Skype:

Warning Notice
9:11 AM
WINDOWS REQUIRES IMMEDIATE ATTENTION
=============================

ATTENTION ! Security Center has detected
malware on your computer !

Affected Software:

Microsoft Windows Vista
Microsoft Windows XP
Microsoft Windows 2000
Microsoft Windows NT Server 4.0
Microsoft Windows Win98
Microsoft Windows Server 2003

Impact of Vulnerability: Remote Code Execution / Virus Infection /
Unexpected shutdowns

Recommendation: Users running vulnerable version should install a repair
utility immediately

Your system IS affected, download the patch from the address below !
Failure to do so may result in severe computer malfunction.

http://www. etc. etc. etc...

Which would all be scary, were...um...I not running a Mac.

Still...Skype spam now? Really?

Wow, what about this new trend in Spam subject lines, trying to sucker you in with some bizarro dystopian vision of a Martin-Amis-like world gone south. A sort of Alternate Reality reading of tabloid headlines:

Britney in coma, feared dead
Tornado in New York destroys city
Democrats withdraw Obama from Race
Angelina Jolie Dies in Miscarriage
Ben Sheets named All-Star Same starting picher

Oh. Wait. That last one was for real (anyone else on the Milwaukee Brewers mailing list? Did they REALLY misspell "pitcher"?)

The interesting thing about this new e-mail trend is, if you open it, a SECOND awful headline appears, before a link that -- by now -- anyone with even half a brain will realize probably doesn't link to the New York Times online:

Nicole Kidman loses baby in miscarriage
James Brown dies of heart attack
Military insurgence in Afghan, US troops killed
New evidence confirms US Moon landing was a hoax

My favorite one-two punch so far is the subject line Elton John dies in rocket ship followed by "Federal regulators prepared to infringe individual rights by restricting what consumers can do online." Try saying THAT three times fast.

I find trends in e-mail Spam subject lines fascinating. I wonder if anyone's ever done a study on them...

EDIT: Apparently someone has written on the trend. Interesting...

****

Yes, I did change yesterday's punchline three times.



Every now and then, a syndicate inquires as to whether I'd want to do Dork Tower as a daily strip. I've never really had the time to pursue it. Still. God help anyone who eventually becomes my editor.

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Quite liking Thunderbird as a mail program, so thanks to all for recommending it (I prefer my mail Application-based to Web-based, hence not going with the alsso highly recommended Gmail).

How to transfer mailboxes from "Mail" to "Thunderbird," when Thunderbird doesn't even recognize that you've got a Mail application when you go to "Import Mailboxes." Hmmm...

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Hurmmmm. I'm a LOT closer to 100 games than I thought I was before.

Just did up a spreadsheet, so I wouldn't miscount. Apparently, I've worked on 98 games. To wit:

( The Games 98 )

At this point in time, I'm working on six games (one of which - Texterity - I also created)

Supersonic (Out of the Box)
Lightning (Out of the Box)
Texterity! (Out of the Box)
Word on the Street (Out of the Box Games)
Run Wild (Out of the Box Games)
Munchkin Quest II (Steve Jackson Games)

Munchkin Quest II will most likely be the next one I finish, sometime very soon. So I'll be at Ninty-nine. Supersonic, Lightning and Texterity and also pretty far along. Sooooooo....

...sometime in the next month, it looks like I'll hit the 100 games mark!

Frankly, I'm as shocked at this as you are. I mean, for a start...well...how to put this delicately?...DON'T GAMES COMPANIES REALIZE I CAN'T EVEN DRAW A FOURTH FINGER? Goodness sakes. Anyhoo, I wonder if there's some way to celebrate that (the "100 Games" thing. Not the "Can't draw four fingers" thing). Shame I won't be at GenCon...that would have been the perfect place to throw a party...

Tales from the Junk file.

You've received a greeting card from a Colleague!
You've received a greeting card from a Friend!
You've received a greeting card from a Mate!
You've received a greeting card from a Neighbour!
You've received a greeting card from a Partner!
You've received a greeting card from a School friend!
You've received a greeting card from a School mate!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Class-mate!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Colleague!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Family member!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Mate!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Neighbour!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Partner!
You've received a greeting ecard from a School-mate!
You've received a greeting ecard from a Worshipper!
You've received a postcard from a Class mate!
You've received a postcard from a Colleague!
You've received a postcard from a Family member!
You've received a postcard from a Friend!
You've received a postcard from a Mate!
You've received a postcard from a Neighbor!
You've received a postcard from a Partner!
You've received a postcard from a School friend!
You've received a postcard from a School-mate!
You've received a postcard from a Worshipper!
You've received an ecard from a Class-mate!
You've received an ecard from a Colleague!
You've received an ecard from a Family member!
You've received an ecard from a Friend!
You've received an ecard from a Mate!
You've received an ecard from a Neighbour!
You've received an ecard from a Partner!
You've received an ecard from a School friend!
You've received an ecard from a School-mate!

For or five from each, as well. Or so says the spam.

My apparent popularity continues to astound me.

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In other News of the Suxxor:

My series 2 Tivo is showing a black screen. Again.

It's apparently recieving a signal from the cable - it'll show what SHOULD be playing. But all it shows is...a black screen.

Stuff that's been previously recorded can still be seen. But things recorded now?

Black screen.

Is it dead, or can this be fixed?